True forgiveness is hard. It can be one of the hardest thing to do when someone does something terrible to us. The small stuff is easy to forgive, but what if someone did something so terrible that it would not only be immoral but also illegal?
What if they are not even sorry about it? What if given the chance they would do it again?
The thought of it could make the best of us puke. Yet, forgiveness is one of the healthiest things to do. True forgiveness that is. True forgiveness is not just saying you forgive the person to the public, but ultimately really forgiving the person and have NO ill feelings towards them. Extreme forgiveness takes it a step further and you actually wish the other person happiness and success.
This is something extremely hard to do if the person did something horrible to you or if they’re not even sorry about it and would do it again. Let’s say, for an extreme example, to illustrate the point that someone raped you. This is a horrible act that would mess with the mental state and well being of anyone. Forgiving such a person would be of the utmost difficulty specially if the person was a rapist that had no remorse and would do it again if given the chance.
How do you forgive such a person? Why would you forgive such a person?
Because its a healthy thing to do. Let me say, you’re not justifying the act. It is a horrible act and the person will pay in the eyes of the law, but you cannot go on living your live with the anger, hate, and ill feeling that the event left you with. You have to forgive that the event happened, you have to forgive yourself for not being able to prevent it, you have to forgive the person for doing it, so you can remove any ill feeling and poison in you.
Now, trust. That’s a complete different issue. You don’t have to trust the person ever again. Forgiveness is something you give freely and unconditionally. It’s healthy and good. Trust on the other hand has to be regained. It has to be worked for and not everyone will put all the hard work it takes to rebuild trust. Not everyone should get your trust back and stay in your life.
In the case of the rapist with no remorse, you would definitely cut that person from you life. Then you work towards Extreme Forgiveness and make sure you take care of yourself so that that person or anyone else can’t take advantage of you of you again. You can honestly wish the best for the other person. You can wish them to rehabilitate from their ways, get out of jail, and create a great and happy family. You can honestly do all that without having to trust that person again. You can do all of that from far away.
Extreme Forgiveness is about truthfully forgiving freely and unconditionally any and ALL of our “aggressors” and genuinely wish them happiness and success in their life. Now, this does not involve trust. That is a separate matter at hand. Sometimes you have to separate yourself from the person then set up boundaries before you can start the process of forgiving them. After that, trust would have to be regained back by the other person. Not everyone will work to gain it back. Some can work themselves back into your life with EARNED trust but some won’t and some shouldn’t.
Not everyone that you come across should stay in your life. Not everyone that gets in your life will or should stay. That would be on a case by case bases. Extreme Forgiveness, trust aside, is one of the healthiest thing you can do. If you were to pick three random strangers, or random co-workers, every few hours of your day and genuinely wished them happiness and success, you would see how you actually get a feeling of happiness through that silent action. We’re wired with a tribe mentality and once you can not only forgive, but also wish your “aggressors” genuine happiness and success, your life will change forever.
One thing to make sure though, because you have to take care of yourself, is that you have to set up the boundaries in your life in a way that you’re taking care of yourself. The truth of life is that there is a lot of amazing people in the world, yet there is also some not so good people out there. Extreme forgiveness opens a door for those people to come in KNOWING that any act they do, you will eventually forgive them and not seek “revenge.” This is a dangerous door to have if you ever come across such a person so you have to take care of yourself. You have to set up boundaries and standards with others that will protect you against being taken advantage of. Also, you have to be aware to always figure out who it is you’re dealing with. Not everyone is like you and would do, or not do for that matter, the things you would.
But once you have those boundaries and standards up, once you up your people reading skills and awareness of who is the person who’s in front of you, Extreme Forgiveness is another concept that is good to adopt into our lives.
Do you have a person that you should forgive in your life?
You don’t have to share the name of the person but go ahead and share a bit of how you can apply this into your life.